picture of apeople pleaser

15 Ways to Stop Being A People Pleaser

I still remember when I was in 10th grade how I used to do whatever people ask me to do, without giving it a second thought and regardless of how I was feeling about it.

Many times, I made assignments for that pretty senorita of my class.

Worked unwillingly and helped my friends to finish their tasks by keeping my own work aside.

I used to have really hard time saying NO to someone.

In all those years I had developed such an image that my friends and teachers would turn to me when they needed something. I used to sacrifice my own time for others.

My life was gloomy.

You know what was the problem? I was so deeply living under the misconception that by doing all this I can make people around me to love me.

My happiness and self-confidence were all based on other’s opinion about me. Until I found out that I was suffering from a disease called as “trying to please”. I was a people pleaser.

Do you wanna know the signs of  a “people pleaser”? I am going to name some of them:

• Apologizing too much.
• Too much concerned about others opinion.
• Pretending to be happy.
• Low self-esteem.
• Afraid of disappointing others.
• Self-blame.
• Seeking praise.
• Can’t say NO

and the list goes on.

As I have been through all this I know up to what extent this disease to please can screw you up mentally. When I found out about me being a people pleaser, I practised some simple yet effective ways to put an end to this behaviour. So, here are those 15 things I did to throw this disease out of my metabolism.

1. Stop Apologizing Every-time

The most common habit of a people pleaser is apologizing all the time. First thing from where you have to start changing yourself, is by stopping yourself from saying sorry to people every time knowing it wasn’t your fault.

Saying sorry all the time projects you as a timid person.

Ask yourself have you done something wrong for which you should be saying sorry?

You will never know when sorry will become an overused word in your day-to-day life. Choose to stay quiet over saying sorry. Don’t be an over-apologizer.

2. Be Cool With Criticism

When you stop being a people pleaser, you will be receiving end amount of criticism from others.

People will lash, bash, thrash you verbally.

But to get going, on your path of flushing out this disease to please you have to learn how to handle criticism, and not letting it make your pleasant day an unpleasant one.

To know about types of criticism you can read 4 Types of Criticism and How to Handle Them. Now I recognize easily what kind of criticism I am getting. If I sense, someone is giving me vague, irrelevant or unjustified criticism my ears just reflect those words before they reach my eardrum.

3. Disagree

During my first year in college many girls of my class always used to bitch about this one girl. They used to say she was fake, rude, prude, attention seeker, she got an attitude problem and countless other things, due to which I developed an ill image of her in my mind and I never bothered talking to her.

But later when i started talking to her I found that she was completely opposite to the rumours I heard about her.

There was no sign of attitude and no rudeness in her behaviour.

I was unaware of the truth because I was blindly agreeing with others. Stop agreeing with everything people around you say. This will help you to differentiate between right and the wrong.

4. Choose Particular People To Please

Life will be much easier when you start giving importance to few people in your life.

It will be easier for you to please a small specific group of people rather than trying to please everyone around you.

Choose those special people for whom you really care about, these people can be your spouse, friends, Mami, Papi, grandma, aunty anyone.

5. Think, Analyse and Wait Before Replying

Ever said yes, to someone instantly for something and regretted later?

I can hear many of you saying YES in your mind.

This happens when you promise someone without giving a second thought to what they want truly. Person A asks you for a favour and you say yes to him without anticipating because you are too afraid of the feeling of disappointing him, what’s next?

Now you have to help him by going against your will, why? because you didn’t take your time to think and analyse before replying. Always try to buy some time before giving any statement.

6. Know The Difference Between Pleasing And Doing Good

When you are a people pleaser you are confused between the act of pleasing others and actually doing good. If you are a people pleaser you will be expecting others to compliment you for your good work.

At every step you want someone to say, that you made them happy.

In one word, you seek “feedback” for every good thing you do. If you are helping someone because you expect something back or you helped them because you are scared of the fact that they won’t be there for you when you will need them.

Well, then my friend you are just trying to please people and trying to, cover it by saying “I like doing good”. Because people who really like doing good to others, none of these matters to them, they are selfless for no reason.

This article gives complete information on the difference between a pleaser and a compassionate person.

7. Develop Some Trust Issues

Trusting people blindly is noxious.

People can come to you, give you some lame excuse that why they can’t do their work and lay their workload on you.

So, this senorita from my 10th grade was a genius when it comes to making excuses. She would come to me with a captivating smile on her face and throw her tedious tasks on me with an excuse.

I was tricked by many people like this until I realized what was wrong with me. I was trusting everyone, blindly.

8. Be Bold and Dominant

If you are bold people know you are not the kind of person they should mess with.

They won’t come to you until and unless they have something meaningful to say. This saves you a lot of time from being targeted by selfish people. Who treats people like a trash once their work is done.

9. Remind Them You Are Not The Only Choice

This might be the easiest one to do on the list.

When you can’t say no to someone without feeling guilty, this trick would be a lifesaver for you. Just remind them that you are not the only person they can go for help. Tell them about other’s who are really great at doing the same things and would love to help them.

This will be a win-win situation for both of you.

10. Limit Your Involvement

Whenever you are doing any work for someone else make sure you don’t get involved completely with that.

Limit your involvement.

Prioritize your work over others.

By limiting your involvement, you can easily focus on your work by helping them side by side. Too much involvement in someone else work will hamper your ability to be yourself.

11. Question Yourself

There is a rule of 5W 1H which reporters follow while gathering news. The 5W stands for what, where, when, why and who and the 1H stands for how.

You can use this rule to question yourself when someone gives you a work.

You can spin this rule in your way and can generate various questions for yourself. For example: why should I do this, what is the point of doing this, how can I do this I have my own stuff to do etc.

This will not just help you to know what you are getting yourself into but at the same time, it will also help you in thinking about the after effect.

12. Cut Out Selfish People

We all know about selfish peoples, we have in our life.

I can bet you are thinking about them right now. It’s not that we don’t know about them, it’s just that we don’t want to admit and confront them.

If you observe selfish people carefully, you will notice they are not selfish to everyone. They prey on weak and timid ones.

These people are highly manipulative and can make you do anything they want easily.

Want to recognize selfish fellas around you? Read this while thinking about them

• Highly friendly when in need of something
• No way they will apologize
• Carefree
• Tries to confuse you
• Always try to make you agree with them
• You will never see their fragile side

So, how many people like this you got in your life? let me know in the comment section

13. Eliminate The Feeling Of Getting Liked By Everyone

Let me get this straight, do you like everyone around you?

NO right!

Then why do you expect everyone around you to like you.

You can’t have both the sides. It’s completely fine if someone hates you. You can’t do anything about it. You can’t go all around trying to make everyone happy.

That’s something what losers do all the time because they can’t stand alone and the fear of getting hated by someone scares the shit out of them.

14. Don’t Get Flattered

Man you got a body like a Spartan, can you help me to move these boxes

Wow your writing is really good, can you help me with my essay

I feel really safe when you are driving, could you drop me there

Sounds familiar??

People will give you flattering comments to make you do their work. This is proven way to trick someone. In this case you (victim) won’t even realise that you are getting tricked.

15. Start Working On These Now

The best thing to do is start taking small steps and get going now.

90% of people reading this will just read and leave, instead of noting these points and starting working on them.

Don’t be a part of the crowd start doing. If you just keep thinking about doing things instead of doing it read this 10 PROVEN WAYS TO “THINK” LESS AND “DO” MORE because once people get used to taking help from you it’s really hard for them to move to someone else.

About the author

Swapnil

Consistently learning, Constantly growing

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